2: Nutcracker Man

Paranthropa went looking for Nutcracker Man

Boisei in the Oldowan Woods.

She hadn’t in mind a particular plan;

Just to get him to give her the goods.


Her Nutcracker Man, a promising youth,

Sat gazing aloft at the Sun;

Delighted, and even astonished, in truth,

On account of the thing he had done.


She found him, at last, by the Olduvai stream;

She cooed to him, sitting alone.

He turned to her slowly, as if in a dream,

And showed her a curious stone.


‘I can see,’ Paranthropa then teasingly laughed,

‘That I’ve caught you down here again knapping.

I admire, I suppose, your neat handicraft,

But you should be out hunting and trapping!’


Boisei was cut and, in some disbelief,

Exclaimed ‘Oh, you’re clueless, by Jimbo!

You’d be more impressed by my almond-shaped leaf’

If you weren’t such a Palaeobimbo!


I’d thought that the genius of my chips and cuts

Would light up your mind and connect us;

But I see all you want is fresh meat and rich nuts.

Well, look here, I’m now Homo erectus!